Episode 0Sep 24, 2026· 7:37

Curiosity and Judgment Can't Coexist

▸ Show notes from the creator

I've realized something through reflection lately: saying you're open-minded and curious is very different from actually living that way. In this episode, I share why I believe genuine curiosity leaves very little room for judgment, and why I've realized it's something I deeply need in a relationship. It's not about always thinking alike. It's about being curious about how each other's minds work and how that curiosity can create a deeper bond. Send me Fan Mail! Email CT: ct@themindfulSPX.com Connect on social (Instagram/TikTok): @TheMindfulSPX Check out the website: TheMindfulSPX.com

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About this episode

I've realized something through reflection lately: saying you're open-minded and curious is very different from actually living that way. In this episode, I share why I believe genuine curiosity leaves very little room for judgment, and why I've realized it's something I deeply need in a relationship. It's not about always thinking alike. It's about being curious about how each other's minds work and how that…

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Full transcript

00:06

SPEAKER_00Welcome back or welcome to the Security You podcast. My name is CT, and I hope you understand why you love the way you do. Today I want to talk about this idea of curiosity versus judgment. And it's my belief, my hypothesis that curiosity and judgment have a hard time occupying the same moment. Because when I'm curious about why you think something, why you like something, why you do something, why something matters to you, I can't simultaneously in that moment decide whether you're right or wrong for it.

00:47

I've realized something about myself recently through dating and reflecting in past relationships that I need curiosity in a partner. That's very important to me. But in this episode, I want to dive into that a little bit more because it's not just someone that puts curious or open-minded on their dating profile or says that they are, and then two weeks later, it shows through the surface that that's really through their behavior, that they're really not curious.

01:19

It's when someone's natural response to something that they don't understand is really tell me more. Because that's how my brain works. If you tell me something I've never heard before, something I might not believe in in that moment, somewhere you've been, something you're into that I haven't experienced, my instinct isn't to tell you you're right or wrong. My instinct isn't to put that idea up against society. And well, what would society think of that, or what would my family think of that, or what would my friends think of that, whatever you just shared with me.

01:55

I don't care about any of that because I'm curious and getting to know you and like the motivations behind why you did that or why you went there or why you pursued that career path, or what do you, you know, what really lights you up about your your job or or whatever it is, I'm curious about knowing the person and underneath that. And so just because you have a job in X, Y, or Z, that doesn't actually, that doesn't really tell me anything.

02:23

That just is sort of a nice line on a resume, but that doesn't tell me the motivations behind it. It's behind it. So I'm more I'm more interested in getting to the person beneath the surface. An interesting distinction here is that open-mindedness doesn't mean agreement. So I can explain to you for 20 minutes something, I can ask questions, you know, generally try to understand your perspective, and we can still finish the conversation with opposite, you know, on the opposite on opposite ends.

03:00

You know, that's open-mindedness. We're open to hearing each other's opinions, and we may or may not agree at the end of the day, or we're open to having that conversation, whereas the incompatibility that I'm talking about comes in, where you tell someone something and then they're immediately jumping to why you're right or wrong for that, or or criticizing you, judging you for that. You can't have curiosity and judgment at the same time.

03:32

If you have high curiosity, low judgment, if you have high judgment, you're probably gonna have low curiosity. Just I don't see how they can coexist together because you're really gonna have one or the other. And here, like I'll just give you a concrete example here two different scenarios. You tell someone something, they immediately immediately evaluate it, they tell you why it's weird, wrong, unnecessary, stupid, whatever it is, and that conversation is essentially over.

04:02

You're gonna feel less then by expressing that and getting that feedback than after you tell someone something, you hear, really, why is that? How did you get into that? What do you like about it? I've never thought about it that way. One person was evaluating you, where the other one is trying to understand you. If we bring that into the relationship side of things, imagine bringing your interest, your sexuality, career ideas, your weird little obsessions, fears, family history, beliefs, dreams, whatever else, into that connection and think about how differently that whole dynamic would feel when you're being evaluated versus somebody that is exploring those ideas with you with curiosity.

05:01

Two completely different types of relationships. When I look back at my past relationships, I can see that some of the things I might have thought were differences in personality or interest may have just been differences in how we approach the world. I wanted to explore and they were quicker to decide whether something was right or wrong. That kind of evaluation, that kind of judgment, that kind of closed-minded nature, that doesn't give me the safety to explore, to keep exploring with that person.

05:32

Because like because I think here's the bigger takeaway. When you're with somebody that is giving you the curiosity that I'm expressing, you both feel seen, heard, and valued for your own experiences and opinions and ideas, whatever it might be. You feel safe to share that with the other person. You know that's gonna be received positively, and you can have discussions, whether they agree with that thing that you're talking about or not.

06:03

But there's a level of connection and partnership and teamwork that is built within that versus when you don't, you're gonna feel less than, you're gonna feel not enough, you're gonna feel unheard, unseen, unvalued. That's essentially just gonna create resistance within the connection itself, because they're there physically, but they're not actually there with you in that moment. So I want you to think back on people that you've dated, relationships that you had, where do you fall in that spectrum?

06:45

Were you more curious or were you more judgmental? Were they more judgmental or were they more curious? Just where do you fall in on that spectrum? And what can you do in your next interaction, the next date that you go on with your partner, the next time that you talk? How can you show up with more curiosity and really leaning in to learning about that person deeper than what you see on the surface? That's all I got for you today.

07:18

Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. I would love if you could leave a five star review wherever you listen to your podcast, helps to expand the reach of this one. Until next time, take care and we'll talk soon.